No matter how much i try.

No matter what im doing or where i am i cant stop the  memories from flooding back to my head. No matter how hard i try they just come back. Sometimes im able to control them and then others times i cant. I just pray that the times i cant control my thoughts that im at home.

My therapist thinks there some reason why i cant stop thinking about rob. I mean yea uh he brutally raped me. i was a kid still so yea i think that's a pretty good reason.

How do you forget these things. She thinks that i'll magically be healed in a certain amount of time but all im doing with her is covering up so it looks like im making progress. I dont think ill ever be healed. I'll never be normal or be able to have normal relationships with the outside world. Frankly i dont really think i want to.

They say that people become cofortable with sadness and pain even when they dont want to be. I think ive lived in this dark place for so many years now that its what i know. When im in the dark no one can see me so no one can hurt me.

They never suffer. They hurt you and walk away and live their lives. They dont care about what they did to you or how it would affect you. They can just eaisly forget.


Wish i could do that.